Afraid to be Scared

This past week, my husband planned an impromptu visit to his mother’s house so we could spend some REAL time with her AND go to the not-too-far beach and aquarium.  If there’s ANY place I have always loved to be- cold or hot weather- it’s the beach!  So, you can imagine my surprise when my husband said pack it up.  I’m so spoiled… I mean… blessed *smile*

For hours I refused to count, we spent time at the beach with great weather and friendly people.

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As the day continued, JC and I ventured out into the water again, except this time, unlike the others, I decided to let go of his hand.  I couldn’t believe I did it, but as all mothers know, we can’t hold their hands all of the time in life, we have to trust God and let them go.  That still didn’t stop my heart from screaming, “GRAB THAT BOY’S HAND!” 🙂  I watched as he stood beside me, “punching” the low, incoming waves and attempting to kick them back.  What he failed to realize was, with every punch and kick, he was drifting inches and inches further from me.  However, he always caught my eye and readjusted his distance as I knew he didn’t want to be TOO far from mommy… or at least I HOPED he didn’t want to be too far from mommy.

I continued to stand in the water and watch him do his karate moves against the waves.  At this point, the water was at his waist and still manageable.  As a wave came in, JC kicked as usual and fell backwards.  As he attempted to get up with the receding water, another small wave came and pushed him back down and splashed completely over his face as he was still on his knees, neck deep, trying to get up.  I held my breathe while the mother in me wanted to grab him completely up and carry him off.  Wiping his eyes and now standing in the water, JC let out a very short, small cry then said, “Mommy, I wanna go sit down” with a straight face.

As we walked to our spot, I asked him if he was okay and wondered what exactly was going through this little boy’s head…

… was he permanently scarred for life from the waves?

… was he disappointed that I didn’t help him?

… does he now have a fear of waves?

… will he get back in… ever?

As we sat down, I looked at him and asked if he was okay again, of which he responded yes.  I explained to him it was just a wave that he didn’t expect, that he did good and just has to keep practicing.  I battled my fears of his potential fear while saying this, and I’m not sure if he really understood what I meant.  Even looking at his face seemed to tell me he’d already settled his sentiments about those sandy waves…

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I prayed in my heart against the spirit of fear, which has already captivated his mind in other areas.  I asked God to remind JC of who he is- a child of God whom He loves dearly and has empowered.  I prayed for God’s peace over his mind (and mine!) and that I, myself, wouldn’t be afraid of him being scared but trust God’s victory over fear with love.

JC remained quiet as he watched his dad and little brother in the water.  As a natural born thinker, he sat immobile and completely quiet, I know still reflecting on what just happened while watching his own sibling not be too fond of the water himself.

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The other “boys” walked back to our spot and decided to play in the sand for a bit.  I shared what happened with Emmanuel who asked JC if he was alright.  Same response.  After a few moments of soaking up the sun, JC all of a sudden got up out of his seat and said, “Daddy… I wanna go back in the water.”  Emmanuel and I looked at each other, smiled and off they went.  Yes, I honestly was surprised he wanted to get back in because I was afraid he was scared to get back in… that his memory was forever stained by unconscious waves covering his face.  But as I looked out at him and his daddy, I chuckled because I realized JC knew what to do all along…

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In order to overcome our fears, we must face them with our Father.

“Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him… you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.” Job 11:13-16

I don’t think it was an issue of mommy being incapable, but there is a sense of security that is more existent in a father.  This should be the very same with us in our relationship with the Heavenly Father when it comes to our fears.

It is okay to be afraid, but we must not remain in that place of fear.  We must reach out to our Father who has promised victory to us over ALL of the fears we have.  I believe, somehow, this is what JC realized.  As he stood behind his earthly father, the water crashing against him from behind, he learned those previous waves of fear were dissipating into the reality that they were just waters gone by.  I pray this settles in his heart forever with every fear he encounters.

As a mother, yes… I myself was afraid he would be scared for a long time of waves.  As JC showed me, even when fears come, there’s no need to stay afraid of them… only the need to overcome them by, with sincere hearts, reaching out  and victoriously walking with our Heavenly Father.

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